Do You Care?

DO YOU CARE?

I was driving down the highway just when afternoon rush hour was letting up a bit. My exit was coming up and I maneuvered over to the right lane. I thought about putting on my headlights, but I also think about taking piano lessons, and numerous other things that I should do, all the time. Having my headlights on wouldn't have helped me see but it was that twilight time of day when oncoming and passing traffic is much more easily seen when they have their headlights on. But since I don't take piano lessons, I didn't have my headlights on. Anyway, as I was exiting off the ramp, I noticed that the guy in front of me was acting as if he were looking for a parking spot in the middle of the exit ramp. It really wasn't that astute of an observation seeing as if I didn't have a windshield I could have reached out and stolen his rear license plate, or if I would have turned on my windshield washer I would have sprayed his trunk, and I'm sure that I'm exaggerating to say that my wiper blade would have combed his hair (because he was wearing a hat). So I hope the picture of him going too slow is clear, and if it isn't let me just clarify it by saying that he was motoring at a insignificant fraction of the 45 M.P.H. speed limit posted. Though the ramp was wide enough for two cars it wasn't meant to be a two-lane ramp, just an extra wide one-lane ramp.

I decided to be a good citizen and not jam up traffic as this car was going to do if he kept at this pace. Did I mention that it was a blue Chevy? I'm not sure what year, because that is not one of my talents, and honestly the only way I even knew that it was a Chevy is because it have small, steel lettering above the keyhole to the trunk. I don't know why I mention the fact that the car ahead of me was a blue Chevy seeing as it has nothing to do with the story, and the outcome of the story would not be changed even if it had been a Ford. I think the only one who it would have mattered at all to was the owner. And since who the owner of that car, that could have just as well been a ford, but, in fact, was a Chevy, is doesn't matter I think I'll just forget about it. So, seeing as I am such a good citizen, I decided to pass this blue Chevy, whose owner isn't significant to the storyline, on the exit ramp that was wide enough for two cars, but probably made for one.

To make a long story short ... I hit a Beaver as I was passing another car. I saw its eyes look up at me seconds before I felt its furry body under my wheels. I'm sure that if you would consider one of those Bearskin rugs to be dead then you would second my opinion that this Beaver was dead. I knew it as soon as I looked in my rear view mirror.

After I felt my tires pass over him I slowed down a little but when traffic started catching up to me I put my foot to the gas and drove home. No, I didn't stop. I already own a bearskin rug…

I forgot about the incident at the next traffic light. The only reason I remember it now is because I needed something to write about. When my conscience asks me if I feel bad for killing a Beaver I shrug and say, "I don't care." Actually I don't say it aloud, I just think it so that no one thinks I'm weird for talking to myself. People might think me weird for shrugging for no reason, but not for talking to myself.

Now I admitted a situation I was involved in where I really didn't care about the outcome, where someone else might have. What I would like to know from you is if you care about things such as whether your next-door neighbor has a job or not?

Do you really care about the starving children of Hollywood or where ever? Don’t you leave food on your plate in a restaurant sometimes, and then afterward find that you're still hungry and pick up a snack somewhere else?

Do you give to charities? What a noble and forthright human being you are! I bet you also like the tax deductions. Would you still give the same amount to charities if it wasn't tax deductable?

Oh, I know you. You work for one of those Endangered Animal organizations, don't you? Do you really care when a species becomes extinct? Why does it seem you only crusading for the cute ones?

Are you one who fights to get the violence taken off T.V.? I bet you're also one of those gawkers who slow traffic to look at accidents to see if there is any blood. The violence in real life promotes the violence on the tube. When there is a bad accident I like to watch the passers by, safe in their cars. More people turn toward the accident, counting off bodies on their fingers, than people who turn away searching through their glove compartments for an old Burger King bag to show their inner feelings. And the networks know this! Violence sells -- it's clear and simple. The viewing public wants to see blood and gore, both in real life and on the screen. If enough people were turned off by it they would turn off their sets and the networks would get the message a lot faster than from the few hundred letters from the "weird" portion of the population. The rumor that T.V. sets explode if off for more than fifteen hours a day is not true! You can turn it off. T.V. withdrawal is not fatal, nor are the symptoms permanent.

Maybe T.V. is the best thing that has happened to the modern world. Maybe it keeps all the gooks minds blank so their warped minds can't function and find destructive things to do with their idle time. Maybe T.V. is beneficial. I hate to think of what the "Dukes of Hazards" fans might do if they had the extra time on their hands. We should be thankful that there is enough worthless broadcasting to keep these type of people busy sitting in front of their boxes day and night.

So do you really care about starving children, endangered animals, charities, auto accidents, and T.V. programming? Be honest now…

Honestly Yours,

èim  Uhr

P.S.   I care about all those things…

Oh yea, about the Beaver story,

I just made it up. I knew it would

be easier for me to get you to admit

 to all your faults if I pretended that

 I had one of my own.

This ALMOST looks like a setup

Another DO YOU CARE

The Fair Path

The Fair Path

Have you ever been alone in a crowd before?

More precisely, I should ask, have you ever felt alone in a crowd? A buzz all around that somehow goes past or around you, never quite sinking in. Smiles, conversations, jokes, eye contact – that never reach you. You feel invisible at best – shunned at worst.

You may want to run, but there is nowhere to go.

You must move away from this uncomfortable state. There must be a change.

There are two possible roads ahead.

You feel like a boulder rolling down a hill when you come to a fork. All the difference is ahead.

One path is within. The other path is without.

One option is to move outwards. To reach out. To force the situation. To attempt to becoming a part of without the need for an invitation. To take a risk. Stepping out from oneself. To extend a hand, an opinion, a thought – with the knowledge that it may be turned away from, shunned, unwanted, rejected. To take the risk of being a fool, a busy body, obnoxious. The geek trying to break into the click. To expand the bubble around yourself to include others. To open up and be vulnerable. To risk appearing stupid or a social misfit. Trying to gain friendship at the possible consequence of garnering distain.

The reward for this path is you may become part of the buzz. One with the crowd. Known and no longer invisible.

The possible downside is that you are no longer invisible and now all your flaws and awkwardness is out in the open for all to see. Perhaps you don’t fit in and never will. Perhaps being invisible is the best you can do, the most you can hope for.

"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt." – Abraham Lincoln.

Then there is the other path. The other direction. Instead of turning outwards in the hope of a connection, you can go inwards. Turning away from the trappings of the outside world. Moving toward self. To focus your attention to what’s inside. Your feelings and thoughts. To delve into your beliefs and emotions, to circle downwards deep into your personal cave. Trying to find you center and what makes you tick. What makes you unique. Searching for love of self and a deep inner respect. To find that place of knowing, that space of oneness. To seek the stillness, to explore through meditation.

The reward for this path, this direction, is pure radiance of being. Knowing that nothing can really hurt your pure essence. You are all. You will find that needs are merely flights of fantasy that we create out of the nothingness of fear. All is within and all is love.

The downside of this path is that sometimes when we go within we can spiral down and around until it becomes a narcissistic exercise. Self-worth somehow turns into self-importance. "We are one" becomes we are the one.

Sometimes seeing the beauty, weakness, and perfection in another is also the quickest way to seeing it within. Yes, somehow seeing the weakness in ourselves and in others becomes important. For it is only when we can see and come to terms with weakness and realize that they are just blocks, barriers to cover perfection. All weaknesses melt away in the light of true examination. Many times this is easier to see in others than in ourselves. Deep secrets become antidotes when the weight of darkness is lifted off.

Many times it is easier to move beyond judgment toward another than it is to do the same for ourselves.

So in the end I believe it’s the contemplative blend of reflective searching within and the reaching out, and shining out of our light towards the outside world in the hopes of connection that is our most beneficial and should be our ultimate goal.

Understanding ourselves and understanding others is a chicken or egg type of scenario.

Instead of asking which came, or should come, first – perhaps the real road to enlightenment comes from the realization that one cannot survive without the other. For if all is truly one… then there is no difference.

                                                           Sincerely signing off,

 

                                                                                             ò im Uhr

P.S. Again I am always playing the middleman. Walking the fence. Looking for that middle path. I usually end up in the ditch of the embankment that separates the two paths…

Ken Wilber

                                  Spiritual Path

  

                                                                         Path of thorns

Pandora's Path

A blast from the past...

A FRIENDLY DRIVE

I was driving down the road the other day, when I flipped out. It wasn't a new song on the radio. It was the curb that caused it. Before I knew it I was doing summersaults.

My car landed right side up and I staggered out. I, literally, spit glass out of my mouth as I gazed disbelievingly at my car. People stopped and were asking me questions, but I just alternated nodding and shaking my head without listening to them.

My car ... me?

Not a bruise. Not a cut. The glass didn't even cut the inside of my mouth. Not one thing was wrong with me… No, I wasn't wearing my seat belt.

As my brain finally started excepting messages my eyes were sending it, I noticed my windshield lying a few feet from the car, shattered, but nearly whole. My newly bought side mirrors were, naturally, broken off. There was mud allover my car as luckily I had rolled on grass instead of pavement. The passenger side of the roof was smashed in a bit, my door was bent in, and the right rear fender was smashed.

Someone said I must have been listening to the radio to hit a rock and roll.

Somehow I got the idea of trying to start my car. Since no damage was done to the hood or anything under it, I got the car started without any trouble.

I ended up driving the car home, with no windshield in below freezing temperatures. I shook all the way home, partially from the cold and partially from shock.

One the way home I thought of something that Winston Churchill once said, one of my favorite quotes—

 "Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing happened."

I made it home without getting pulled over, even though it's illegal to drive without a windshield.

I can still remember (in flashes) that sensation of turning upside down and rolling. Things flashed by so fast. I saw parts of my life in quick, unrelated glimpses. Then, in mid roll, I thought to myself, "This is a dream."

Microseconds later I realized it wasn't a dream, that my car was rolling over and I was in it, and that I would be late for work. I wondered why it rolled. Was I rolling up a hill? Through lanes of traffic? Was I dying? Had I ever lived? Was my car paid off? Did I have clean underwear?

A feeling soon to be forgot, but a time long remembered. If the feelings that one has during an uncontrollable moment in one's life could be totally recalled, I doubt if many mistakes would be repeated. But the only thing that is truly remembered are the after affects, and they never seem to be quite as bad.

Yes, how easily feelings are forgot.

Trying times can test us and show what we're made of. I'm not sure what I'm made of, but I know that I don't like tests.

It sounds unusual, but I think Cicero made a lot of sense when he said,

 "There is something pleasurable in calm remembrance of a past sorrow."

Maybe it's just the fact that the adversity has been survived, and it makes present adversities seem conquerable. Something Friedrich Nietzsche said helps shed light into Cicero's statement:

       "What does not destroy me makes me strong."

You are stronger from living through past sorrows. Also past troubles seen through memory's eye always are less sharp and out of focus then is the pain of present problems.

Remember the lesson of the day — Brakes, steering and even good friends can fail. To remain strong without becoming bitter is the trick. Friends don't care about your failures, and they care only to beat your successes. The best one can ask of a friend is to tell the truth when you need it, also to lie when you need it, and to listen nearly as often as they talk. Many times I find myself praying like Marshall de Villars.         — "God save me from my friends

                  I can protect myself from my enemies."

I expect distress from my enemies but when it comes by way of friends it is unbearable. I guess I just have to learn something that Agnes Macphail put well by saying,

“Do not rely completely on any other human being, however dear. We meet all life's greatest tests alone."

I guess when you have news that makes your life miserable the best thing a friend can do, from his point of view, is to exclude you from his life so you don't make him share in your misery.

"Heaven for climate, hell for company." — James M. Barrie.

Half my friends are in heaven, and the rest just have their heads in the clouds.

Dearly befriended,

èim  Uhr

P.S. It's funny the way

       one thinks of friends

                          in times of sorrow. I

                          can usually think of

                          them, but I can't talk

                          to them. 

Drive me away                                       RIP or RID(rest in drive)

                            We all crash alone

Jerks are only human

Jerks Are Only Human

"The trouble ain't that people are ignorant: it's just that they know so much that ain't so." – Josh Billings.

I'm sure that everyone has had an encounter with a jerk. Just to clarify things, a jerk is someone who is dumber than you. If you don't know very many jerks that means that many people consider you to be a jerk. To be a jerk is not necessarily bad, everyone is someone else's jerk. A jerk is neither good nor bad. A jerk just is.

Did you ever take the time to get to know a jerk? I mean, did you realize that they're people too. Dumbness is not necessarily a qualification for one fitting the jerkism category. I have known some very intelligent jerks in my day.

It is common to have, at one time or another, said or thought, "Hey, that persons a jerk!" But have you ever thought about whether or not that person can help it? Maybe he was born that way. No one knows for sure if jerkism is hereditary or not. Is it in their genes? Should a person be ridiculed and condemned for something that they have no control over?

Is it fair? Doesn't anyone care? Do people have to stare? Do they always get into innocent beings hair? Do they really foul the air? Do they come only as a pair? A jerk! – where?

In honor of those afraid to stand up and admit to jerkism I officially declare that for one week a year, from this day forward, all will celebrate a National Jerk Week. Parades and festivities will be forthcoming.

There are many ways to celebrate this grand occasion, and I'm sure that many more will surface once word hits Wall Street and People Magazine.

So take a jerk to dinner without laughing as food drips down his chin. Smile at a jerk (Don't Laugh!) when she does something dumb. When a mechanic works on your car, who you find later to be a jerk because your car runs worse than when you brought it to him, don't say anything about the problems, just pay with a smile. When you listen to a jerk weatherman and have a picnic on a "beautiful day", just keep quiet and eat the soggy, rain soaked, sandwiches. Please remember, at least for this one week, if a jerk smiles – try to refrain from knocking out all his teeth.

If a jerk is crying for no reason – don't give him one.

If a jerk is dying of laughter – don't tell your favorite joke to him, he probably wouldn't understand it anyway.

If you see a jerk pounding on the chest of your mother, who is suffering, not from a heart attack, but from sunburn – calmly point out what he is doing wrong.

If a jerk puts out his cigarette on your waterbed-- don't suffocate him with your pillow.

If a jerk criticizes your writing – don't stab him with your pen.

If a jerk is driving his car in the wrong direction on an exit ramp on interstate 999 – please don't honk at him, it will only add to his problems.

Even though a jerk is calling your mother names as he hangs from a 2,000 foot ledge – help him.

If a jerk is taking you to lunch this week – offer to pay half the bill.

But how does one spot a jerk if he wishes to take one to lunch as part of one’s civic duty?

 You can usually tell that it's a jerk when …

He stops you, just short of electrocuting yourself as you reach for a light switch, because he remembers that he screwed the bulb in backwards.

When he tells you not to worry as you see your car start to roll, because he cut the wheel toward a brick wall so it wouldn't roll out into the street.

When he heaves rocks through your window to see if you are up before he knocks on your door because he doesn't want to make you mad by waking you.

When he won't answer his ringing phone knowing that it doesn't work, because every time he dials his own number it's busy.

He is the biggest fan of a team that is a rival of your favorite team,

When you ask him for the keys to your car and he tells you not to worry because they are locked safely in the car.

When he takes an umbrella into the swimming pool because of the 100% chance of rain today.

When you realize he was going to take you to dinner this week…

How can you tell if you are a jerk – so you can know to skip food shopping this week?

When you are constantly lending your car to jerks.

When people are calling you weeks in advance to reserve a dinner date with you this week.

When you step into the shower before adjusting the temperature.

When you can't tell the time because the little  “ : ”  burned out on your digital watch.

You throw out your pens when the wax runs out.

You can't tell the eminent from the facetious.

You are in charge of blindfolding the condemned man in front of a firing squad, and when the handkerchief rips you curse by saying, "Shoot!"

You find a ten-dollar bill in front of an apartment complex and spend the rest of the day looking at all the mailboxes for the name Hamilton.

You wear a windbreaker because you’re feeling gaseous.

You have a solar lighting system installed inside your house.

You read in the dark because bright lights give you eyestrain.

You want to wear glasses because they make you look intelligent.

You try to fall asleep, but your vivid dreams keep waking you.

You want to wear contacts because you want to change your eye color.

You have at select times proved that it is possible to trip up stairs.

You read articles by people who write about dumb things…

                                                              Leaving you Dumbfounded,

                                                            èim  Uhr

                   P.s.      To all my readers —                 

   Eat a light breakfast all week. 

Some Smart People(my readers???)

Dating Stupidity (caution - watch at own risk!)

*

Bad Breath

B A D    B R E A T H

Take a breath. Make it a deep, long breath ... Now try it without coughing. Do it again. And again. See that? I bet I got you to do that for the rest of your life now. Breathing is a habit that is hard to break, and now you're hooked!

Why do we breathe? I have my own theories.

Breathing is only done when bored. It's a fact. And I'll be the first to prove it. Now think about it, isn't that the only time you have noticed your breathing, when you're thinking about it? Most of the time you don't even think about breathing-- and that's because you're not! People just sit there with nothing to do and they happen to think about breathing, so they start. They take a deep breath, then another, and soon end up gasping for air. But that's only because they are thinking about it. You don't need it!

You can prove it for yourself. Now take your mind off breathing, totally. Think of something else, say… air, for example.

O.K. Ready? One, two three, four, fi… Now stop! Are you breathing? Oh yeah, sure, now you are, because you're thinking about it. But at that second, when your thoughts returned from that other thought to breathing, were you breathing? Think about it. No, of course you weren't. Because there is no need to breathe. It's psychological. It's all in your mind (which at least proves there's something up there amongst the cobwebs.)

I may go down in history for this great realization. This could be more important than my stand against the typewriter companies. I'll be labeled as a genius. Millions will come to hear me speak at Bingo tournaments. My name in all the history books. My picture in coloring books. I may even get an academy award!

Air is stupid anyway. You can’t convince me that it’s in water, because when you take a fish out of water and let him breathe pure air – he dies! So if there was air in water, it would kill him. Who needs it? H20. H20! H20? What a dumb way to spell water. Why can't those crazy scientists be like the rest of us and spell this normally? If the had to write it in symbols couldn't they have at least made it WeT2r. How come air has no chemical symbols, if it did would it be A1R? Where “A” would stand for airline exhaust and “R” would stand for Refried beans.

I guess the reason scientists call water H20 is because of the hydrogen and oxygen in it. Which is another reason I also believe drinking or bathing aren’t good. After all, who wants the impurities of air in the forms of hydrogen and oxygen creatures to climb all over them or even to enter into their system? I think the hydrogen creatures are more neutral in and upon the system – it’s definitely the oxygen creatures that are the worst. Just breathe once and, before you know it, you have millions of oxygen creatures crawling around inside you. The hydrogen creatures aren't quite as bad, they pretty well stay put. But you have to watch those little oxygen buggers, they're so restless! Oxygen creatures breed faster too…

It’s a new-age fallacy that we have to breath. You have all those gurus out there trying to teach you to breathe – that’s because you don’t – not unless you’re thinking about it. So many charge you to teach you how to breathe, I think it would be money better spent to learn how not to breathe. Free yourself from your unnecessary addictions!

When you weigh the validity of this axiom please do not consider the source, just try to pretend that someone half sane is putting forth this idea. Remember, as Don Marquis once said:

"An idea isn't responsible for the people who believe in it."

Changing the subject, without deferring far from the original idea of this article, I wanted to answer a common type of letter I'm always getting. People from all over the world write to me and complain (usually at the end of their long, complementary letter). I figure they suppose they must throw in one complaint, because if their letters were all complementary then they would seem false praise and not be taken sincerely. The one, and only, complaint  by the adoring public is that my articles are always too serious. They are tired of crying and gnashing their teeth. It is said I should try to show the lighter side of my meaningful topics. Even though I take my writing very seriously, I think it is also important to comply with the wishes and whims of my readers even if it's something that I feel ruins the article.

So, in cooperation with the whims of my readers, in my never-ending attempt to be everything to everybody, I would like to cover not only the heavy, deep side of my topics, but also the lighter side. I would like to show that I can be light headed as well as hard. This is the first article I am to attempt this endeavor. If it goes well, and has a good response and makes me a lot of money, who knows, I may sellout many times in the future ...

So, on the lighter side of… hmmm. What was I talking about earlier? What was the purpose of this article? You don't remember either, huh? Or possibly you never knew! Well, let us just turn back a bit. No, I promise you don't have to reread it.

Oh yea! I was talking about air and all its advantages. So…!

On the lighter side of air -------------------------- Helium!

                                          Thinking (lightly) of You,

                                     èim  Uhr

P.S: HaH! I caught you not breathing again!

But, proving that you are a hopeless creature

of habit, I bet you started again as soon as I

brought it up again. This concludes another

one of my breathtaking articles .............................. gasp …

____________________________________________________________

Girl in a bubble.

Catch her breath.                Breathe in Breathe out...

                                             Do machines breathe?

Breathing in cement

Off Key

Off Key

                                                           By  Tim  Uhr

Watch your ‘puter!

Computers are evil… but for you young-ins, the damnation started even before these wicked devices were invented. Long before The Net captured us all and all that wicky leaking begun bloodletting our great corrupt system, maybe it was something simpler that led us down the path of destruction and deception. Before we Surfed and turfed, and faced books, and yittered and tweeted, and Fried our Space. Look no further than the keypad, or keyboard on your computer, laptop, smart phone, Pi-book, or whatever. This depravity started way way back to something not many people remember anymore, an ancient contraption called a typewriter.

I have made some marginal errors in my life. My typewriter doesn't always return to the same spot on the page when starting a new line. Speaking of typewriters, have you ever noticed, and wondered why, the keys on typewriters aren't in alphabetical order? The manufacturers say it's because it would be harder to type if they were arranged alphabetically. Supposedly it wasn't just a mistake they made when the machine was in the planning stages. But I don't believe it! I think that it only took one dyslexic person working in a factory to frustrate all future typists. They try to say that each letter was put in its place for a reason. Letters usually typed next to each other, like "t" and "h” are placed near each other to make it easy to type. If this were true the "t”, "i” and "m" would be all in a row so I could type my name quickly. Also, why aren't the numbers at the top arranged the same way, instead of their correct order? Certain combinations are used more frequently in numbers too, like the "2" and "0" to make dates easier to type. They didn't arrange the numbers in some cockamamie order to make it "easier to type."

Bullonie on their excuses! I am here to expose the truth about all of these typewriter companies who have been fooling a lot of innocent people for years. I am ready to take on the wrath of these powerful companies. In a brave example of investigative reporting in the likes of Watergate, I am here to expose the truth. Every now and then you have to buck heads with the big guys even when the odds are high. I am just the one to do it, And The Time Is Now!!!

McCarthy is turning over in his grave…

Through years of grueling research and interrogation of the most noble and trustworthy of sources I have come to the undeniable conclusion that these big, powerful typewriter companies made a slight mistake when they started production and they didn't want to recall the thousands of machines they had already sold before they caught the error. You watch, after they sell all the machines made with the mistaken alphabet they will suddenly announce that after years of research, they found that alphabetically correct keyboards are actually better to type on after-all and they will soon start making them that way. Then millions of people will be stuck with the old-fashioned ones that will be worthless once the truth is out. This mistake is actually going to make the typewriter companies money, it’s called planned obsolescence!

I figure, with the add of my pocket calculator (it's buttons are correctly in order), that by the year 2107 all the typewriters they made bearing the mistaken keyboards will be have been completely sold out. That is when they will announce that through years of research and through massive group studies it has been shown by their analysts that alphabetically arranged keyboards are best. As a public survive alphabetized typewriters will then flood the market, and to top it off these new typewriters will cost a good deal more, you will have to pay for the "innovation.” All the old typewriters will become conveniently out of date.

Remember you heard it here first! When in 2107 I say, "I told you so!!!", you will remember that I said I was going to say "I told you so," today.

Doubters!? There may be some unbalanced people out there disposed to have the audacity to question the validity of my well-researched scientific facts. You, the irrational, ask how they could have made electric typewriters and computers back when the mistake was first made when such things as electricity and ram chips weren't invented yet. Yes, it's true that these things didn't exist when the mistake was made and it was caught long before they were thought of, in fact they found the mistake on the first day, it's such an obvious one! The keys are all basically the same no matter the device, they fit the same into any typewriter. So while it's true that electric typewriters and computers weren't around yet, when the mistake was found, they had all those keys that they hadn't used up before they could stop the pressing of the mistaken keys. It's a well-known fact that the keys are made to fit on the keyboard only a certain way, like a jigsaw puzzle, and can't be switched around. Even though there is hardly a typewriter left in the world, still the computer companies bought all these keys that the typewriter companies had stored up, at a huge discount – I might add – that would also make it absolutely unfeasible for them to correct the original mistake. I think that some people call it the original sin – and we’re still paying for it.

Thank mass production. Just take a look up in the attic of any typewriter manufacturer… I mean Computer Company… and you will find boxes and boxes of typewriter keys that were printed up years ago. It would be financially foolish to admit to their mistake and have to throw out all those keys.

And now (a drum role is in order), to finally prove, beyond a shadow of a doubt that it as a mistake and not done on purpose… Take a look at the letters. "q,w,e,r,t,y,u,i,o,p,a,s,d,f,g,h,j,k,l, z,x,c,v,b,n,m." Now if they really meant to make the letters so that they are easier to type to form common words, then why did they stick, so obviously close to the alphabet?

The letter "v" is only one letter away from its regular position in the alphabet, if they were arranged correctly, and so is the letter “H". I could see if just one letter was close to where it should be it could be chalked up to coincidence, but twice? Both the "v" and the “H" are close to their normal positions! Sorry, but that is just a little to hard for me to believe that both these letters would happen to fall only one slot away from where they would be if the keyboard were arranged alphabetically. Coincidence? HAH! Who are these thieves trying to kid?

"Surely not I." said the wise man. Mr. Qwerty, I believe.

No wonder I have always been a two-finger typist! I spent all those years, struggling to learn the alphabet and I just can't forget it like that. I am sorry, but I just don't see why I should have to suffer and rack my brain to relearn the alphabet, just over a mistaken keyboard – which was the typewriter companies fault anyway, and will probably be corrected by 2107.

I can wait. I shouldn’t have to… but I can wait.

I think that we should all boycott any device with an incorrect keyboard on it until they fix the problem.

Maybe I’ll join an action group, or start a charity, or something…

Pfok! People for orderly keyboards!  

What is this world coming to?

                                                                          Orderly yours,                                                                                                                              .                                                                                              èim  Uhr

P.S: By the year 2107 I'll probably have the hang of these mistaken keyboards and will be up to three fingered typing, only to have them change it. 

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