DO YOU CARE?
I was driving down the highway just when afternoon rush hour
was letting up a bit. My exit was coming up and I maneuvered over to the right
lane. I thought about putting on my headlights, but I also think about taking
piano lessons, and numerous other things that I should do, all the time. Having
my headlights on wouldn't have helped me see but it was that twilight time of day
when oncoming and passing traffic is much more easily seen when they have their
headlights on. But since I don't take piano lessons, I didn't have my
headlights on. Anyway, as I was exiting off the ramp, I noticed that the guy in
front of me was acting as if he were looking for a parking spot in the middle
of the exit ramp. It really wasn't that astute of an observation seeing as if I
didn't have a windshield I could have reached out and stolen his rear license
plate, or if I would have turned on my windshield washer I would have sprayed
his trunk, and I'm sure that I'm exaggerating to say that my wiper blade would
have combed his hair (because he was wearing a hat). So I hope the picture of
him going too slow is clear, and if it isn't let me just clarify it by saying
that he was motoring at a insignificant fraction of the 45 M.P.H. speed limit
posted. Though the ramp was wide enough for two cars it wasn't meant to be a two-lane
ramp, just an extra wide one-lane ramp.
I decided to be a good citizen and not jam up traffic as
this car was going to do if he kept at this pace. Did I mention that it was a
blue Chevy? I'm not sure what year, because that is not one of my talents, and
honestly the only way I even knew that it was a Chevy is because it have small,
steel lettering above the keyhole to the trunk. I don't know why I mention the
fact that the car ahead of me was a blue Chevy seeing as it has nothing to do
with the story, and the outcome of the story would not be changed even if it
had been a Ford. I think the only one who it would have mattered at all to was
the owner. And since who the owner of that car, that could have just as well
been a ford, but, in fact, was a Chevy, is doesn't matter I think I'll just
forget about it. So, seeing as I am such a good citizen, I decided to pass this
blue Chevy, whose owner isn't significant to the storyline, on the exit ramp
that was wide enough for two cars, but probably made for one.
To make a long story short ... I hit a Beaver as I was
passing another car. I saw its eyes look up at me seconds before I felt its
furry body under my wheels. I'm sure that if you would consider one of those
Bearskin rugs to be dead then you would second my opinion that this Beaver was
dead. I knew it as soon as I looked in my rear view mirror.
After I felt my tires pass over him I slowed down a little
but when traffic started catching up to me I put my foot to the gas and drove
home. No, I didn't stop. I already own a bearskin rug…
I forgot about the incident at the next traffic light. The
only reason I remember it now is because I needed something to write about.
When my conscience asks me if I feel bad for killing a Beaver I shrug and say,
"I don't care." Actually I don't say it aloud, I just think it so
that no one thinks I'm weird for talking to myself. People might think me weird
for shrugging for no reason, but not for talking to myself.
Now I admitted a situation I was involved in where I really
didn't care about the outcome, where someone else might have. What I would like
to know from you is if you care about things such as whether your next-door neighbor
has a job or not?
Do you really care about the starving children of Hollywood
or where ever? Don’t you leave food on your plate in a restaurant sometimes, and
then afterward find that you're still hungry and pick up a snack somewhere
else?
Do you give to charities? What a noble and forthright human
being you are! I bet you also like the tax deductions. Would you still give the
same amount to charities if it wasn't tax deductable?
Oh, I know you. You work for one of those Endangered Animal organizations,
don't you? Do you really care when a species becomes extinct? Why does it seem
you only crusading for the cute ones?
Are you one who fights to get the violence taken off T.V.? I
bet you're also one of those gawkers who slow traffic to look at accidents to
see if there is any blood. The violence in real life promotes the violence on
the tube. When there is a bad accident I like to watch the passers by, safe in
their cars. More people turn toward the accident, counting off bodies on their
fingers, than people who turn away searching through their glove compartments
for an old Burger King bag to show their inner feelings. And the networks know
this! Violence sells -- it's clear and simple. The viewing public wants to see
blood and gore, both in real life and on the screen. If enough people were turned
off by it they would turn off their sets and the networks would get the message
a lot faster than from the few hundred letters from the "weird"
portion of the population. The rumor that T.V. sets explode if off for more
than fifteen hours a day is not true! You can turn it off. T.V. withdrawal is
not fatal, nor are the symptoms permanent.
Maybe T.V. is the best thing that has happened to the modern
world. Maybe it keeps all the gooks minds blank so their warped minds can't function
and find destructive things to do with their idle time. Maybe T.V. is beneficial.
I hate to think of what the "Dukes of Hazards" fans might do if they
had the extra time on their hands. We should be thankful that there is enough
worthless broadcasting to keep these type of people busy sitting in front of
their boxes day and night.
So do you really care about starving children, endangered
animals, charities, auto accidents, and T.V. programming? Be honest now…
Honestly Yours,
èim
Uhr
P.S. I
care about all those things…
Oh yea, about the Beaver story,
I just made it up. I knew it would
be easier for me to get you to admit
to all your
faults if I pretended that
I had one of my
own.
