A L I G H
T B E Y O N D
Endings always come to fast. Indeed, I've heard it said
before, but up until now I have never believed it. Throughout my life I have
experienced that in most of my relationships, endings don't come fast enough to
suit me. I have always pushed to reach conclusions, in movies, especially
books, and even in relationships. But as I sit where I have sat for the past
twelve hours, only the direction I'm facing having changed, alone, through a
long night, I think about endings corning too fast. Endings always come at
last, maybe that's why they seem to come too fast. If they are to truly come at
last, then once you have an ending it has to be the end, there is nothing more.
It seems the reason I have never before feared endings, is because I always
assumed there would be more. After a movie ends, just take a stroll down to the
next theatre and see Rambo #12. After turning the last page of a book, picking
up another and starting on page one. After saying good-bye to a temporary
friend, although they never seem to catch on to this fact until it's too late
and they wind up hurt, saying hello to a new one.
But what if this is the last movie to be made? What if after
this book I find that there are no others? What if the last girl I have said
good-bye to, is also the last one I will ever say hello to. The word
"end" never meant the same thing to me as it did to other people.
This is a realistic approach, but is it the better? Have I been living my life
to the fullest? I may be taking too many things for granted. Is it truly living
if you don't die with every flower as the cool winter wind cuts through your
petals?
I have been living like I know that I'll always be living.
But all things must pass. Once I did believe that endings would come and go,
flowers will die and grow, precipitation turns from rain to snow. But now as I
sit here in this field alone, I'm not so sure I know. What page are the answers
on? Although I finish the book, will I ever be given a change to go back and
reread? Those pages I skipped over may be important…
I watched the sun set, hours ago. But time is nothing but
what my memory makes it out to be. Did this memory ever really exist, or is it
something that my brain manufactures just to make sense of the present? Do the
people around me really exist, or do they just represent pages in my book, with
no lives of their own, just waiting for me to read? Once I leave my friends, do
they really do the things they say they do? Or does my mind just make them say
that to fulfill the need I have to make them appear that they are real? Do
other people really form opinions about me, or do I just think they do,
pretending that they have any thoughts? Is this just a fail-safe system my mind has worked out to keep me
sane? Am I alone?
It can be pretty hard to check your sanity when you're not sure if you're
already insane. Is it the rest of the world that's crazy? Every person must
feel that they are the only ones who is truly sane in this world, and those
that don't feel this way are the ones locked up in the asylums.
As I sit here, waiting, in the grass, legs crossed, I wonder
if we each don't, in our minds, build four convenient walls around ourselves.
Forever safe, in our individual, custom-made, asylums.
The sky is much lighter than it was just an hour ago. The
stars, already starting to fade, are completely blocked by a cloud that drifts
overhead. It's a fluffy, average-size summer cumulus cloud, and for a moment I
wish that I too were floating, unaware of time, with it.
But things are not always what they seem. The looks of this
cloud are deceiving as I know that it weighs at least 550 tons.
So here I sit, expecting nothing except what I expected from
the start.
I catch a last glimpse of the moon hanging in the sky, as it
in many ways represents the opposite of the sun. The moon, slow and cold, while
the sun is fast and hot.
Endings always come too fast. The sun, at first peeks over
the horizon, then bursts into the now bright sky. Though its warmth seems
immediate, it is not enough to dry a tear from my cheek.
Endings always come at last.
Though a new day is beginning, what can be said of tomorrow?
There's a fine line between the darkness and the dawn…
รจim
Uhr
P.S. Time doesn't pass too fast. It’s all relative. For
along
the Earth's equator,
dawn arrives at 1,000 m.p.h.
But along the moons
equator, it comes at only
10 M.P.H. — slow enough
for a man on
bicycle to keep up with
it.
